contact: jordanxstudios@yahoo.co.uk   July 2017  

OLD BOOTS & BAGGY JUMPERS by GM Jordan

 
 

A couple of very strange things happened this month. Things that never seemed to bother me have started to find a way out; I have noticed things about my personality and tastes that seem to be magnified whilst other aspects are changing.

 

Worn Out Boots

July '17

Oct '15

Feb '15

March '15

Aug '15

Sept '15

Oct '15

 

Truth About Fracking

If you thought fracking was safe then you might want to take a look at this clip.

Take music, for years I never really liked jazz (or as lovers of the form say ‘jaaazzzzzz’ whilst curling their lip slightly on one side of their mouth and giving you a sleepy sideward look that they think is cool but actually just looks like they are having a minor stroke whilst on a heavy tranquiliser.). Modern or Experimental Jazz is even worse, I get the piano – it may sound like kittens being made to hop from key to key whilst being touched with a cattle prod – but I understand it, cool cats playing music behind dark glasses having drunk too much bourbon, I get where they are coming from. There is many a time I have been too pissed to see straight when I thought I could play an instrument of some description when in fact all I am doing is making the neighbours wish they could either pull of their own ears or stuff them full of runny cheese.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

It’s the other band members that irked me. You would have one guy in the smoky darkness could have been playing a wind instrument but the sound coming across the room is that of a man, holding a small furry rodent whilst blowing up its arse the wrong way to make a sound that should have been banned under the Geneva convention. I’m surprised the RSPCA and other animal rights organisations have not investigated the musicians.  Then you have the drummers, these guys are the sexual deviants of bands, in this form of jazz they play the drums like they have sex. Fast, furious, long drawn out affairs that make every other participant, other than the drummer, pray to all the god’s mankind has ever dreamt of for the experience to stop as quickly as possible so they can move onto the singer (no woman has ever said ‘God that drummer really makes me go weak at the knees I have to have him.’). These are the adults that have survived being kids with ADHD, the ones that would stick forks in electrical sockets for the rush or piss on electric fences because somebody dares them.  Finally you have the singers, they have two singing speeds, trousers pulled up too high and too tight or so low and deep whales would have trouble making out the words.  Another important factor is the words shouldn’t match the music in any shape or form, the band don’t need to practice because they are essentially all doing their own thing, in different time and for different reasons.

 

Then one night I was heading home from a comic convention, it was late, my body had given up any form of hope that sleep was going to happen and in an effort to stay awake I played ‘Radio Roulette’, you know pressing seek on your car stereo and accepting what crops up.  I caught some ‘Jaaaazzzzz’ and my lip curled, I actually enjoyed it. That’s when I knew I had to pull the car over and burn it.  All it took was nearly 24hrs without sleep, crap food and a nearly deserted motorway, but I actually enjoyed it.

 
 
 
 

 

 
 
 
 
 

 

Hunter,Hunted

 
 
 
 

 

 

So once again I thank those of you who have stopped by, took the time to email, shouted at me in the street etc and I hope you will call again.  Please visit the gift shop on the way out.

- J.

‘Swansong’ by GM Jordan’s is published by Markosia and is available from Amazon and on all good e-book platforms.

 
Swansong SC

'Swansong' by GM Jordan (Markosia, 2015)